Monday, March 12, 2007

I'm so irritated, I could sic a shark on a surfing attorney

From the king of unintentionally unfunny comes an unintentionally funny quote in a breathtakingly moronic diatribe:

"No offense to Alan Arkin, but he couldn't do what Eddie did in 'Norbit.' " -- Brian Robbins, director of Eddie Murphy in "Norbit"

In all fairness, Alan Arkin doesn't always pick his projects well -- he was in a Christmas thing Chazz Palmentieri made that had maybe the worst script in English-language history -- but Robbins' bitter slap at Arkin for beating Murphy in an Oscar contest the former had no role in deciding and (Robbins imagines) for being too good for a stellar project like Norbit is unbecoming even of a smarmy jerkwad. And the idea that somebody as rich and talented enough as Eddie Murphy would be willing to make such a STUPID, STUPID MOVIE like 'Norbit' is nothing less than the most frustrating thing I can think of at the moment.

But hey, Norbit made plenty of money because lots of people who don't mind not being challenged in the least went to go see it. I didn't see it, but I saw the previews, and the previews were stupid. So if the previews didn't do the film justice, then the filmmakers need to put together previews that are more representative of their work. (Full disclosure: I saw Beavis and Butthead Do America on opening night. I've got plenty of skeletons in my closet where this debate is concerned, so I point the finger at myself, too.)

So maybe this smarmy jerkwad Brian Robbins is right. Critics should accept America's low standards or admit that their own standards are too high. I won't even address the likelihood that if this pissant got a rave review for one of his craptastic mediocrilicious insults to comedy, he'd roll around in it like a pig in mud. Except for, y'know, addressing it in that way that I just did.

What bothers me the most (asked no one)? It's that these are the two possibilities:
1) Robbins is smart enough to know his films are crap, in which case he's a loathsome hypocrite;
2) Robbins is dumb enough to think his films are good, in which case he's a rich moron in a country that runneth over with rich morons.

Where the hell is my anti-rant ointment? Lemme just dab it on the festering sore in my soul ... ahhhhhhhhhh. Anti-rantastic.



At 5:27 PM, Blogger BookBabe said...

This guy was in the stellar television classic "Head of the Class," wasn't he? I'll give him this - he has a handle on the poor taste of the American public.


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