Panthers-Seahawks: Observations from the couch, first quarter

6:21: Barely time to breathe between games. I wasn't going to care as much about this game as I cared about seeing the Steelers win, but now I'm going to root for the Panthers; only an above-average defense will be able to beat the Steelers in the Super Bowl. The Panthers have one, the Seahawks don't. Plus, I want to see the one star from my fantasy football team (Steve Smith) do his thing in Detroit.
6:31: That dude from Mad TV does a mean John Madden impression, and the actual midget he had impersonating Bob Costas ... I mean, that's the best kind of not-nice.
6:34: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are on the case. Buck's a little sharper than Nantz (who is still very good), and Aikman is light years better than Simms, but he's still prone to overreferring to "the National Football League", just in case we all forgot which friggin sport we were watching.
6:39: American Idol's Carrie Underwood gives us the anthem. Close-ups aplenty -- Matt Hasselbeck is so bald, while Brett Favre has not lost a hair! Does that explain Matt's angry-apprentice complex? And am I allowed to just make up complexes?
6:41: Good anthem.
6:42: Has anyone had these "chicken fries" from Burger King? This isn't a rhetorical question; if you have had them, comment and tell me if they suck.
6:43: Dad, sorry about the baldness crack. But did you notice in these last two commercials? All the guys with mustaches and no beards? It's time to explore that second career in commercials, Dad.
6:45: Pam Oliver says Hasselbeck has a hurt finger on his throwing hand, and Bobby Engram has a back issue he won't talk about.
6:46: Chris Myers says Steve Smith talks to himself on the field. Well, he's good enough that he's allowed to be crazy, like van Gogh.
6:48: Newly crowned starting RB Nick Goings runs the first play, a run of zero yards. Uh-oh.
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6:49: Three and out for Carolina -- and Ed "Unbelievably Muscular" Hochuli makes his first appearance! Good Lord, this man is ripped.
6:50: Announcer code: When Aikman says something was a "very (pause) close call", he means it was a very BAD call.
6:51: First sack on Hasselbeck, by two Panthers who shushed aside the O-linemen assigned to them. Not good.
6:52: Impressive run by Alexander for 14 yards. Could have been 3, should have been 8, but he's good at busting tackles. 3rd and 3 now.
6:53: Hasselbeck avoids a sure sack and hits Jerramy Stevens, an 8-foot-34-inch tight end I drafted for fantasy football before he was any good, for a first down. Damn.
6:55: Solid stop by Carolina on a third-and-short. Fans plead for them to stick it, not kick it, but Holmgren sends in the punter. Touchback. Oops.
6:56: Lots of short sentences closing these entries. Stupid.
6:59: Carolina's gone three and out on its first two series, so maybe I should revise my indictment of Seattle's defense.
7:04: Seattle converts the third and short it missed last time. Alexander doesn't look particularly injured, but I haven't heard Julius Peppers' name called yet.
7:05: I thought Seneca Wallace was still in college as a quarterback, but apparently he's in this game and he catches a sweet ball from Hasselbeck in double coverage, even though Aikman didn't like the throw. And now Stevens catches a TD with no one in spitting distance of him. 7-0 Seattle, quickly.
7:09: Buck tells me that was Wallace's first pro catch, so I no longer feel stupid for not knowing he was in the National Football League.
7:12: Lofa Tatupu intercepts Delhomme and Seattle is 20 yards away from making it 14-0. Didn't expect the home team to dominate early, given how flat the Hawks were last week against Washington.
7:14: Jerramy Stevens catches it inside the 10. His jersey number #86, the one on his shoulder, is peeling off.
7:16: Peppers finally makes a play, stuffing Alexander. And Hasselbeck gets bottled up on a scramble (crowd wanted a face mask), so Seattle has to kick. 10-0, Seahawks.
7:21: Whoa. I've been nodding off watching Carolina's offense, so I'll just assume they still haven't completed a pass to Steve Smith. And now Nick Goings is "woozy and headed off the field", Buck says. Who was Carolina's fourth-string running back in training camp, because that guy will now be the featured back. Frut-froh.
7:24: Somebody Robertson is in as the running back, and he brings good luck in the form of a defensive penalty and automatic first down.
7:25: Delhomme throws another pick, far more brutal than the first one, and Seattle again is next door to the end zone. This could cripple the Panthers.
7:27: Aikman on Delhomme: "He didn't see what he thought he saw." Meanwhile, Alexander rumbles to the 2, and the first quarter runs out. Disastrous 15 minutes for fans in the Research Triangle.