Some friendly, passive-aggressive advice

To people who are thinking of getting a dog, here's a good thing to know: it's considered polite to know the difference between a human's face and a dog's genitals.

For instance, if your dog runs up to another dog in the park and vigorously licks him or her in the reproductive region, you aren't obligated to apologize to the other dog; the other dog knows this comes with the territory and will be indifferent or even pleased.

However, if your dog runs up to my face in the park while I am stretching with my eyes closed and slobbers on it, maybe you could interrupt your phone conversation about "I can't remember if it was Neil Diamond or Neil Young" and say, "Aw man, I'm sorry, he's a little too friendly sometimes," or even, "Here's $10." If you walk right past me and say nothing, make sure I don't know which car is yours, because it's hard to buff out key marks, and it's harder still to start your engine when someone's peed in the gas tank.